Can I Be Loving Without Affirming? Part 1
There seems to be this fight nowadays within the world of Christendom between loving our neighbors and affirming our neighbors. The issue is certainly nothing new, but it has been accentuated in recent times by the demand that Christians must affirm everyone’s proclivities, or they are bigoted, unloving, uncaring, and unwelcoming. This narrative is not only unfortunate, but it is also wholly in error. The truth is that all Christians and churches have the responsibility to love and welcome anyone, no matter what state their life might be in. Our hearts should be in step with those of Jesus. In regards to this, we must respond how Jesus responded to sinners - with love and compassion, yet unafraid to call out sinful things for what they are. While it is true Jesus calls us just as we are (meaning regardless and in spite of our sinful state; Romans 5:8-9), He never commands us to stay there. Justification is that Jesus paid for the sins of the Christian in whole through His death, burial, and resurrection. Once we understand our sinful state and fallen nature, we repent and become a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). However, sanctification is the continued growing in spiritual formation and being more conformed to Christlikenss through obedience to God. This is an ongoing, never ending joy and command for those who would claim the name of Christ. You cannot be both actively engaging in a lifestyle of sin and growing in sanctification at the same time. The two are mutually exclusive. This certainly includes, but is far from limited to living a lifestyle which is included in any of the LGBTQ+ framework.
So what does all this mean in regards to being loving, yet not affirming. Well, as I just stated, we must be willing to acknowledge sin, but then we must also be willing to put that sin to death. As the Puritan theologian John Owen says,
“Every unmortified sin will certainly do two things:-- [1.] It will weaken the soul, and deprive it of its vigour. [2.] It will darken the soul, and deprive it of its comfort and peace.” (Owen 2019)
Sin kills, and until it is dealt with, there can be no true peace, joy, or contentment. So how can it be that we must kill sin within ourselves, yet somehow not call out sin whenever it is seen? I would argue that if I really love a person, I must be willing to share truth with them, regardless of how awkward or potentially offensive it might be. It seems far too many Christians, and in this count I include myself at times, are too afraid to truly point people to Jesus and away from sin because of how we might be treated, we don’t want to be offensive, or simply because we are apathetic. I need to address all of these.
First, why do we as Christians continue to act surprised when we are treated poorly by non-Christians? These are just a few of the myriad of verses in just the New Testament that attest to just this: 2 Timothy 3:12; John 15:18; 1 Peter 4:12-14; 2 Corinthians 12:10; 1 John 3:13; John 16:33; John 15:20; Acts 14:22; Matthew 5:10-12; Luke 6:22, etc. The reality is that instead of expecting everyone to love a message of truth, there will always be those who hate and reject it. If we let this curb our sharing of the gospel message, then we are merely living in fear. God does not call us to live in fear, but rather we are called to live in boldness. When Jesus gave the great commission, it wasn’t an optional decree, but it was a command to go, preach, disciple, and baptize regardless of how awkward or even dangerous it might be. If we are more concerned with our reputations among non-believers than we are living in rebellion of the Lord.
Secondly, we often do not call out sin because we are paralyzed by the fact that it might be offensive to some. My question here is, so what? When has truth ever been popular? Jesus was not only unpopular to many in His day, but He was also incredibly offensive to many more. This does not mean we are to go out of our way to be offensive, but rather the gospel message is always offensive. Why? Because it confronts sin and points us to repentance. But in our fallen sinful states, if we’re completely honest, we don’t want to repent. We like our sin. We want to be in control. We don’t want to be told what to do. We believe we know more than God. Yet, Scripture reminds us over and over that sin leads to death (Romans 6:23), and that Jesus is literally the only way for anyone to be saved. No other name, no other religion, no other anything. The exclusive claim that Jesus is the ONLY way is wildly offensive to people. Kevin DeYoung says it expertly when he writes,
“Our world suggests that there are any number of saviors, and they are not all religious or “spiritual.” The world says, “Here’s what will give you purpose. Here’s what will give you meaning. Here’s what will help you feel like a better person. Here’s what will deal with the guilt you have in your life. Here’s what will give you satisfaction.” The list of saviors is ever expanding: technology, art, diets, sex, entertainment, education, morality, humanitarianism, sincerity, hard work, patriotism, politics. But according to God’s Word, they do not save. This has always been the offense of Christianity: that we are guilty of sin; we are all in need of a Savior; and the only Savior who can truly save is Jesus Christ the Lord.” (DeYoung 2012)
If we refuse to point people to Christ because we are afraid it might be offensive, we are cowards. If my sensitivity to someone being offended precludes me sharing life and soul saving truth, then shame on me. Here’s the reality check: how much do you have to hate another person if you have truth that literally can save someone from eternal hell, and despite this you were too afraid of how offensive the gospel might be to that person?
Thirdly, I think sadly the number one reason we are unwilling to point people to truth is because we just honestly don’t care. The opposite of love is not hate, rather it’s opposite is apathy. Do we really care that people, friends, family, neighbors, loved ones are going to die unregenerated of their sin? It’s a sobering question. We must crawl out of the shell of our apathy and into the light of truth. How do we know if we are truly living in apathy toward others? Professor Uche Anizor points to three basic questions to confront such living:
Am I Living in Unconfessed Sin?
Have I Neglected God’s Means of Grace?
What Fills My Mind Daily? (Anizor 2022)
The chief way we combat apathy is by being honest. Is it hard? Yes. Is it necessary? Also yes. To again quote professor Anizor,
“Apathy is a sickness from which we need healing. As with other illnesses, brutal honesty about our symptoms is critical for our recovery. Imagine sitting with a doctor and lying about your symptoms, or simply remaining silent. How can the doctor help you? Or, imagine the doctor keeping the truth of your illness from you. How can you move toward healing if you don’t know what’s really wrong? Honestly is essential if you’re ever going to get better.” (Anizor 2022).
What is a key antidote to apathy? Honesty. This brings me to the focal point here. If we Christians are truly living a life modeled after Jesus, we must be willing to be honest, be offensive, and be hated. Regardless of those things, however, we must not affirm sin. Granted, this particular post is aimed at those who claim you have to affirm LGBT, etc. or else you are unloving, it is also not the only case of what we must not affirm.
It saddens me that we live in a culture in the west where everyone seems to assume that if you disagree with someone, you are automatically that person’s enemy. If you have different worldviews you must be at each other’s throats. If you really want to be tolerant than you have to affirm everyone’s own belief systems. These are inherently false. My children may insist that they eat only ice cream for every meal and snack. I, as their parent, have the responsibility and the right to tell them it’s quite unhealthy and give them what they really need in a balanced diet. Does this mean I hate my children because I’m not affirming something that they ardently desire or believe? Certainly not. On the contrary, it demonstrates a genuine love and desire for them to do what is right and by doing so avoid serious consequences.
However, there are those who would offer the opinion that if it really makes one happy then they should be able to do what they want. I counter that claim by appealing to reason and relativism. If doing what makes someone happy, regardless of whether it is right or wrong is true, then there is no absolute truth and all are free to do exactly as they desire regardless of the consequences of themselves and others. Your truth is your truth, and my truth is true for me. This nonsensical thinking implodes in on itself. If this is true then I have every right that you hand over your wallet if I so demand. Why? Because it’s right for me to do so. This weak subjective relativistic truth cannot exist. There must be a standard for what is true and false, right and wrong. Without such a standard then nothing can be considered false because we don’t have anything true by which to compare it, and nothing can be wrong because there is right define what wrong is.
When it comes to loving, we are not excused ever to withhold love value, or dignity from any individual, regardless of our disagreements. Every person is an image bearer of God and therefore deserves to be loved. But, loving does not equal affirming. Again, this goes for any and all worldviews who would live in a sinful way, including ourselves lest we become self-righteous.
References
Anizor, Uche. 2022. Overcoming Apathy: Gospel Hope for Those Who Struggle to Care. Wheaton, IL: Crossway.
Anizor, Uche. 2022. “Why Don't I Care? Steps to Overcoming Spiritual Apathy.” Desiring God. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/why-dont-i-care.
DeYoung, Kevin. 2012. “The Offense of Christ.” The Gospel Coalition. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevin-deyoung/the-offense-of-christ/.
Owen, John. 2019. The Mortification of Sin. New York, New York: TradeLife Press.